To share...

This is a story about Ahbeng in search of a wife with the help of his mother, Ahkew. One day Ahbeng 's mother bring home 3 pretty girls and introduce to Ahbeng.
The 3 pretty girls name and occupation :
1.) Ahuey - Telephonist
2.) Ahmoi - Primary Skool Teacher
3.) Ahlian - Bus Conductor

Ahbeng very sexcited lar of course then after a while of
chatting with the girls his mother asked him.

Ahkew : Ahbeng, how ? Which one you like the most ?
Ahbeng : I like Ahlian the most
Ahkew : Aiyoh bus conductor only wor! where got future wan? Ahmoi not bad leh! gomen work you know? good benefit, next time your children wanna goto skool also easy
Ahbeng : Ahmah dunwan laaa!!
Ahkew : Why dunwan?
Ahbeng : bcoz skool teacher they love to say "PLEASE REPEAT!! DO AGAIN!!! I Want it done 10 times...SOME MORE, SOME MORE! " Like this very tiring everynite I can die one ahmah!
Ahkew : aiyoo!!! then Ahuey lar! at least she is better than Ahlian
Ahbeng : Dunwan also! ahmah, she is telephonist la! they love to say " WAIT A MINIT! PLEASE HOLD ON!" dem potong stim lidat ahmah where got mood to make baby la?
Ahkew : Aiyoyo!!! then what u like about Ahlian so much? bus conductor only wor!!! Where got future one ?
Ahbeng : Ahmah you dunno wan la ... I always take mini bus to KL, those women bus conductor always say " BANG! MASUK BELAKANG!!! MASUK DALAM SIKIT!!! DALAM ADA TEMPAT!!! MASUK MASUK!!!" (in yingrish it means "go in behind, go deep inside! go deeper some more! inside still got place!! deeper! deeper!!!) everytime they say lidat i also very sexcited one !!!!
WUAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!

AH BENG the Crazy Singaporean.
Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 not allowed Lah !

Ah Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Ah Beng : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !"
Ah Beng : "Give me a green one, please "

Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job.
He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.
Then he comes to column on "Salary Expected", but he is not sure
of the question.
After much thought, he writes " Yes "

Ah Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Ah Beng : "What is that shiny object ?"
Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."
Ah Beng : "What does it do ?"
Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Ah Beng : "I'll buy it"
The next day, Ah Beng goes to work with his thermo flask
Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"
Ah Beng : "It's a thermos flask."
Boss : "What does it do ?"
Ah Beng : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Boss : "What do you have in it !?"
Ah Beng : "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream"

After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Beng always compares
it with the original for spelling mistakes.

Ah Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks
his picture is being taken.

Why can't Ah Beng dial 911?
Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.

Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it.
When he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help'
command after some tries.
Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer
retailer for support.
Ah Beng : "I press the 'F1' key for help lah, but it's been
over half an hour and still nobody come and help me Lah ?!"

Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he
answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring, lah - but
instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it
to my ear, lah" "Oh dear !" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ..
what happened to the other ear ?"
Ah Beng answered : "That s***** dumbo called back, lah !!!!"

Ah Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.
Ah Beng: "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Taipei
AND LAS VEGAS ?"
Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..."
Ah Beng : "THANK YOU lah" AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for
quite some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Ah Beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS ? THAT'S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.
"YOU ARE A FOOL." Ah Beng replies, "SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN
FOR 4-7 YRS".
At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Beng's left tells the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE"
and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE".
The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR ?"
Ah Beng replies : "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED lah"

Lucky Ah!

One day, Ah Beng & Ah Seng were walking down Chinatown when they saw something in their path.

Ah Beng: "Wait, wat is tat huh?"
Ah Seng: "Yah ho! Be carefool lo,"
Both: "Wat is it?"
They approached the thing and looked at it very closely.
Ah Beng: "Eee look like s*** lah!"
Ah Seng: "Hmmm..... smell like s*** also!" after taking a deep breathe.
So Ah Beng then poked the thing with his one finger, raised the finger to his lips, tasted it.
Ah Beng: "Tastes like s***!"
Then Ah Seng pushed his finger right through the thing and stick out his tongue to lick.
Ah Seng: "Confirm is ah!"
Then they smiled at each other,
Both: "WAH! Lucky we didn't step on it."

Ah Beng was on a bike with Ah Lian after a durian shopping trip. Ah
Lian was holding on to 2 big bags of durians.....when they reach a
hump...

Ah Beng heard a loud bang....he ask Ah Lian: "Lurian oo kalau
bo(durian got drop or not?)"....Ah Lian shouted...."boh kalau lah!"

So Ah beng continued with the journey....when they reach home...Ah
beng got down from his bike & was shocked to see that Ah lian was not
wearing a helmet!!!

He asks Ah Lian: "Where is your helmet???" Ah Lian was very angry and
replied...."Just now I already told u 'boh kalau' (helmet drop)!!!"

Application Form for joining Secret Society Gang

Since the IR has been approved, the underworld is looking for recruits.
This one - CHAP SAR TIAM SECRET SOCIETY, a Geylang-based organization
for youth, is now recruiting members to fulfill a tender they are
submitting to the new casi? Sorry, sorry, integrated resort.

Please fill in the form below and mail to:

Mr. Chao Ah Beng
Membership Officer
Chap Sar Tiam Secret Society
69 Geylang Lorong 69
Singapore 696969


Reference code: chapsartiam.com <http://chapsartiam.com/>

APPLICATION FOR MEMBERSHIP IN CHAP SAR TIAM SECRET SOCIETY

1. NRIC No.: _________________

2. Surname: __________________

3. First name: (please X)
[ ] Johnson
[ ] Benson
[ ] Samson
[ ] Hamson
[ ] Janson
[ ] Other: _________________ (if not ! ending in "son"? please explain
why)

4. Chinese Name: Ah __________(if not beginning with Ah? please explain
why)

5. Age: [ ] Under 35 [ ] Lau Beng

6. Sex: [ ] M [ ] F [ ] at Geylang

7. Length of Last Fingernail: ________ (cm)

8. Ability to squat for:
[ ] 1 hour
[ ] 2 hours
[ ] more than 2 hours (wah, steady!)

9. Hairstyle:
[ ] Spiky
[ ] Dyed with streaks of blond
[ ] Dyed with streaks of red
[ ] Two strands dangling in front of eyes [ ] Kana mop like that [ ]
Perm (please state which saloon in JB you went)____________________

10. Tattoo of:
[ ] Tiger
[ ] Dragon
[ ] Snake
[ ] Eagle
[ ] Hello Kitty

11. Work experience: (please X all that apply) [ ] KTV Launge Bouncer [
] Snooker Hall Attendant [ ] Unlicensed Contractor [ ] Freelance debt
collector [ ] Unlicensed bookie [ ] Dispute Resolution and Settlement
Professional [ ] Unemployed

12. Spouse's Name: _________________________ 2nd Spouse's Name:
_________________________ 3rd Spouse's Name: (the one in Batam, that
one) _________________________ Lover's Name: _________________________
2nd Lover's Name: (Lorong 69, that pooi-pooi one)
_________________________

13. Number of children living in household: ____ Number of children
living in foster care: ____ Number of children that are actually yours:
____

14. Mother's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
15. Father's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

16. Education: (Circle how many years it took you to finish primary
school) 8 9 10 11 12

17. Ability to swear: (please X all that apply) [ ] Hokkien [ ] English
[ ] Malay [ ] Tamil [ ] Cantonese [ ] rude hand gestures

18. Service performed in previous secret society:
[ ] Leadership/Tua Tao
[ ] Junior management/Suay Tao
[ ] Physical activities/Hooting
[ ] Dispute Resolution and
settlement/Cham Siong
[ ] Lookout/Kuah Chui

With your application, please also enclose sample of blood (need not be
your own).