To share...

Joe is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.The blonde realises he is staring andinquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."
Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"

A policeman arrested a prostitute in the Hospital area & asked for her profession.
Prostitute: I m a social engineer.
Policeman: What do u do?
Prostitute: I build & destroy erections

*****

Whats the difference between a computer and a woman?
A computer doesn't laugh at a 3inch floppy.

*****

A French and a Brit gynecologist were chatting.

French: Just last week there was this woman, her cliotris was like a melon.
Brit: That's a lie, she wouldn't be able to walk if it was.
French: You Brits always talk about size; I was talking about the taste.

*****

Condom to whisper: Bloody every month u stop my business for one week.
Whisper: If u make a mistake I lose my business for 9 months.

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, did you call for me?
The man replies, oh, what do you mean??
She says, you must be new here. Let me explain. Its a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me?Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

Later, the man continues to explore the colony facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts.

Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, did you call for me??says the hairy man.

oh, what do you mean??asks the newcomer.

its a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.? The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist. may I help you??she asks.

The man yells, cancel my membership. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.?br>
But, Sir,?she replies, you're only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities.
The man replies, Listen lady, I m 63 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day. I m outta here!

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady And after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

l be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I may go hunting, Fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my Old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about It. Those are my rules. Any comments?

His new bride said, no, that's fine with me. Just Understand that there will be sex here at seven O'lock every night, Whether you're here or Not...

A first-grade teacher, Ms Tulip (Age 2 ) was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked," Boy, what is your problem?"

Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

Ms Tulip had enough. She took Boy to the principal's office. While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Tulip he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.

Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Tulip and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade. "

Ms Tulip says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agreed.

Ms Tulip asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy., after a moment "Legs."

Ms Tulip: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy: "Pockets."

Ms Tulip: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut

Ms Tulip: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy: Bubblegum

Ms Tulip: What does a